i really feel like writing, but i dont know from where, n how should i start. because im very very very sad T.T
right now i really, really feel like, every second counts. every moment in our lives should really be cherish, before it's too late. walk when we still have legs to move; eat, talk, laugh all d way we want when d tongue, lips n mouth are still there to accompany us; say to our mum n dad how much they meant to us, n how glad we are to have them in our lives, when time still permits us. we have no idea how much time is left for us. so appreciate whatever we have now.
i did a big sin to my tear gland again, sorry dear i just can't help it. when it comes to a matter of feelings, i always lose. this time i lost another one litre of tears to help me endure wif other people's feelings, being tested wif unbearable tests, i should say. some people call it as cruelty, but when they have to face the test themselves, the cruelty makes them realize that Allah has different ways to show His love to us. n His promises are always true, that He will never test His servant beyond his capabilities n strength to face the tests. so for those selected people, it is something to be proud of. at least it shows that they are d strongest people of all.
i went through some blogs last night, those recommended by my friends. from one blog, to the other, and then another. n that means more n more tears are dropping. i started blaming myself for not putting an effort to google n follow any of these blogs before. n now, the moment i found all the blogs, the owner is nowhere to be found in this world.
'we never know how strong we are until the only choice left for us is to be strong'
how beautiful the words are sorted into a sentence. one of the bloggers said this, n it feels like he's saying it right to my face, seriously. these blogs are about people battling wif cancer. it's very common to hear that cancer or metastasis is a very forbidding killer, n it's killing more n more people each day. but we never know, how it kills, until they are there in our body. silently, slowly, deeply, brutally invading each n every cell in the human body. n it's terrific to know that when u are enjoying every second of your life, parts of your body are yelling, screaming, asking for help. it is even more dreadful to wake up in the morning, knowing that time is running out, n today might be d final day.
'u only have 3months left to survive'
the 'death sentence' told by the doctor is like telling the patient u can either wait for your death to come or go hang urself somewhere because either way, you are going to die very soon. but these amazing people, they decided to live till the very end, even much longer than expected. until the tumor bulged out from the stomach, or blocked the airways till they couldn't breathe, let Allah decides how the endings would be. T.T ..Ya Allah, i wish i could be as strong as they are.
enough said, read these, onebreastbouncing n masafzal (click on the links), u'll understand how i'm feeling right now. it's a horror-struck-kind of feeling which wouldn't let me sleep even for a while. not because im scared of being chased by d dead people, but because i really feel like doing everything i want right now, as there are no promises that i would stay healthy n alive tomorrow. these moving, flexing limbs, blinking eyes, smiling lips, i'm glad i have them all. Alhamdulillah..thank you Allah.
it makes me realize that after all, we are just a living machine, trying our best to make our lives as beautiful n meaningful as we can. when the power button is off, everything is over, it's time to return to our Creator. wif the time left for us, lets us together find the right path to walk on. Ya Allah, show us some guidance. To Allah we belong, and to Allah we shall return.
p/s : they are still many blogs i would like to share, but for the time being these two would be enough to fill your pail up wif tears, i guess.