today, i am 21 years old.
21 years ago, i was born n i grew up with a mindset that i have to become a successful person in the future. n since i was young, i told myself that the real definition for success is getting good marks in examination. not just good marks, getting first place in class is always my ultimate aim.
i cried whenever i scored B marks, n i went nuts when i scored C for the 1st time when i was in form 4. n chemistry was the culprit.
i joined debate team, public speaking, choral speaking. whenever i lost, i felt like smashing my head n cried endlessly.
that was the old me. i had everything i wanted, i received whatever i wished. i struggled, do whatever i can, not to let myself down.
today, i guess my perception had been altered. being in med school, im getting tired with the bulks of things to learn. sooo much that i feel like if i choose top be on top, i'll be there but my life would be miserable. being a grown-up person, i prefer to see the world in a larger scale. not just books. because books cant tell everything unless we go through the situations by ourselves.
we can memorize 1000 drug names, but what with that 1000 names if we cant even remember our friends' full names right?
its true, finding an identity is never easy. choosing a path that we think the best is way harder.
trying to be a good student, at the same time getting into a sociable life. thinking about being a good muslimah, a wife, a mother, and of course a more than average doctor, i see a very challenging way ahead.
but yes, i always have Him to be with me throughout this tough journey.
courage, strength, are all i need for now..
and today, HEAVEN seems to be the most appropriate thing to be aimed.
ouch. i feel very old.