its a very big trouble when we think too much over something that we shouldnt be thinking about. this kind of things is killing me, somehow. since i reached here, clinics and hospitals turned up to be d best place to go when something is interrupting my mind. a little chest pain made me feel like ohhh no im dying, n millions of possible causes come across my mind. lung infection, myocardial infarction, heart attack, all those disturbances are like devils which spell me wif a feeling of anxiety. n a normal conjunctivitis (infection in d eyes because i wear contact lens for too long :P ) made me sticked to d mirror, looking n staring at my reddish eyes n thinking about stupid things endlessly. like, what if my eyes have to be removed because of this?how could i live without my eyes??n for a second, i feel like going to d clinic right at dat time. but it was 1 o'clock in d morning, n im sure nobody is going to serve me for having conjunctivitis at this time. so i tried to close my eyes n sleep, but i cant, keep thinking about my eyes over and over again. turn on d light, look at d mirror again, den turn d light off. back to my bed, pusing kanan pusing kiri, still i cant sleep. get up again, back to d mirror again, n this goes on n on smpai la esok pg. that's how i wasted my sleeping time. hmm.. d next day, i went to d clinic, d doc gave me an eye drop. i just used it once, and my eyes returned to normal. see, y shud u make ur life sooo complicated my dear izyani~ i think too much...
n today, i went to d hospital, up lagi dari clinic, for d 3rd time. 1st time bcoz of chest pain, 2nd time to get hepatitis injection. d doctor asked me, 'yes mam, whats ur complaint?' n i told him dat i had some muscle twitches since d last one month. he asked me if i have experienced some difficulties in walking, or tend to fall during walking. n i answered no, its just some tingling sensations all over my body. it feels like a worm is moving all around my body. he smiled. medical student is it? i nodded my head. he smiled again. what about ur chest pain? (he already studied my health record). i told him its fine. yeah, after having a terrible experience wif d ECG thingy, there's nothing wrong wif my heart, n my lungs. he said ur BP n pulses are perfect, so u dun have to worry much. he continued, u r studying in which year? i answered, 1st year. n dia pun ckp, 'u know, its normal to be experiencing diz kind of things when u started ur medical studies. u will notice things that u never noticed before. n u tend to get hyper worried even over a small change in ur body. dun wery, its normal. the twitching muscles are basically Benign Fasciculation Syndrome, it happens in everybody, especially when u r stress.
yeah, what he said is totally true. i am being hunted by my own shadow. he wrote a prescription, i expected dat he would give me some kind of medication to relax my muscle. it was ANXIT 0.25 mg. i came back, searched on the internet about d medication, guess what it is? a sleeping tablet! it will make me fall into a deep sleep, peacefully for few hours. haha xbgn subo la aku. diz doc really think dat im stressful. n i say, its not stress, but its curiosity. u tend to relate what u learn wif what's happening in ur body, n diz is d effects. aite?after all,i think too much~
one day in d future, when i have a patient wif a small wound comes to me and say, dr izyani, am i going to die because of this?im sure gonna laugh out loud n say, hey, ur my clone :D